That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
