i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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