You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
