god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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