I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
