somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
