I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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