Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
