I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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