I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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