He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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