Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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