Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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