if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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