I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
