I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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