I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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