you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
