Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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