I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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