Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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