i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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