just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
