So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
