How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
