I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
