Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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