at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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