Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
