we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You are the jesus of drinking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
