some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
FUCK WHALES
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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