Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
