We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
