Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
