I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
