the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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