i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
