It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
