He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
