Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
