Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
