what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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