party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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