I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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