Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
