she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
