matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
"it" just moved
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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