and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
