WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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