why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
